


The Four Stages of Love

by Magicalmanda



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Ian loves Mickey, M/M, Mentions of 3x666, Mentions of Rape, Pretty cliche, Stages of Love, lots of feelings, mickey loves ian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 00:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11772075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magicalmanda/pseuds/Magicalmanda
Summary: "At least he isn't afraid to kiss me," Ian said, tone equal parts challenge and defeated resignation. Mickey wanted to say he wasn’t afraid, wanted to tell Gallagher off for pressing this issue again. But he didn’t.Instead, Mickey kissed him. Of course he did. His heart was hammering and his palms were sweating, but it was worth it to finally feel Gallagher's lips on his. He finally understood what all the hype was about.Mickey's chest constricted at the dopey grin on Ian's face, and the warm feeling solidified a bit more.





	The Four Stages of Love

**Author's Note:**

> The italics are a quote from How I Met Your Mother, season 2 episode 12, about going through the stages of telling someone that you love them. 
> 
> This is all pretty much introspection. There is like no dialogue or plot. My bad.
> 
> I may have switched tenses at some spots but English is dumb and life is short so roll with it

_The moment you think you think it ___  
  
Mickey was excited. He could admit it, even if only to himself. He was being released. Early this time. The prison said he could call someone to come meet him but Mickey declined. He didn’t want Mandy cutting school or anything to come walk him home. He could walk home by himself. And maybe if he was planning on going to look for Ian, nobody would know.  
  
The redhead hadn't visited him that time around, and Mickey knew it was only his own fault. Gallagher was so heartbroken the last time he had seen him. Mickey thought he was making the right choice at the time, killing Frank, burying their secret. They weren't a couple, they just fucked.  
  
But laying in that dark cell for months, Mickey missed the Gallagher. Missed seeing him in the morning when he came to open the store, still a little sleepy eyed, hair still damp from the shower. He missed their afternoons spent fucking and laying around the store, too lethargic to do much work. He even missed the annoying ramblings about school and West Point and how Lip was an asshole.  
  
Mickey didn’t know if Ian still wanted to see him, but he was going to find out. He found him under the bleachers, dick up another kid's ass. Mickey told himself not to be jealous, he had been in juvie, what was he expecting? Gallagher to wait for him like a chaste farm girl whose boy had gone to war?  
  
He swung himself under the bleachers, closing in on the pair, and his heart quickened when he finally caught sight of Ian. The kid looked good. He had shot up again, he had a few inches on Mickey now. The brunette's dick twitched at the thought of Ian towering over him. He had filled out too. Mickey could see a define chest and stomach as the redhead was pulling his shirt back on.  
  
Mickey scared off the other wimpy teen and turned back to Ian, chest rising and falling with his rapid beating heart. The sex was amazing, better than he remembered. Mickey sank into the bars beneath him, reveling in the feeling of having Ian inside him again. It felt so right, so comfortable, like this is where he was meant to be. With Ian's hands gripping his hips and his head sometimes bowing down to touch the back of Mickey's shoulder. Mickey was flooded with warmth as he came, but it wasn’t the usual orgasm warmth, no. This was something that Mickey hadn't felt in a long time, didn’t want to feel, especially not for Ian.  
  
"Man that was good," Mickey said as he pulled out a cigarette. "Missed ya,"  
  
"You did?" Ian asked, voice so hopeful. Mickey tipped his head back slightly to look at the boy standing above him. That warmth was still there, it burned hotter now, looking at Ian's innocent, beautiful face. But Mickey was nothing if not consistent, so he pushed that feeling down, buried the warmth in lies, and soldiered on.  
  
_The moment you think you know it ___  
  
Try as Mickey might, over the next few weeks the feeling did not diminish. He denied it of course, but it got harder when that old fucker showed up. Now the warmth was a fire burning in Mickey's belly. A jealous rage that he couldn’t control.  
  
Ian wasn’t as pissed as Mickey thought he would be, after the fight, and that made the shorter boy smug. Made him smirk in satisfaction, because he recognized the same burning jealous in Ian's eyes sometimes. At least they were on the same page for this. Because they weren't for so many others things.  
  
"At least he isn't afraid to kiss me," Ian said, tone equal parts challenge and defeated resignation. Mickey wanted to say he wasn’t afraid, wanted to tell Gallagher off for pressing this issue again. But he didn’t.  
  
Instead, Mickey kissed him. Of course he did. His heart was hammering and his palms were sweating, but it was worth it to finally feel Gallagher's lips on his. He finally understood what all the hype was about.  
  
Mickey's chest constricted at the dopey grin on Ian's face, and the warm feeling solidified a bit more.  
  
***  
  
Mickey hadn't shared a bed with anyone in years, probably not since Mandy was a kid. But here he was, slouched up against his headboard, looking down at a sleeping Gallagher. His breathing was slow and even. It made a soft whistling noise as he exhaled through his nose, and if Mickey had his phone nearby, he would have recorded it. Ian turned towards Mickey in his sleep, hair bright against the pillow, lips slack and parted slightly. Mickey's heart tripped over itself and his stomach lurched at the words that had popped into his head.  
  
"Fuck"  
  
_The moment you know you know it, but can't yet say it ___  
  
Mickey doesn’t know what to do with himself. He laid in bed long after everyone had left, one in tears and one with a grin. Mickey laid there, sweating and shivering at the same time. His skin felt like mud, weighing him to the mattress. He couldn’t move, he could barely breath. It played on repeat in his head, over and over. Ian's blood, the pain of metal on bone, the slick wet feeling of the whore, her sharp nail digging into his back.  
  
Mickey laid there all day, paralyzed by what had happened. Mandy came home eventually and upon seeing his bruised face, figured it was just another one of Terry's alcohol induced beatings. She brought him some water and a sandwich, putting them on the mattress by his head. She told him that the Gallaghers won their case, Fiona was the legal guardian. But now they might lose their house, something about a fake will claiming it belonged to someone else. Mickey rolled away from her, empty eyes staring at the wall. It was the first time he had moved in hours.  
  
***  
  
Mickey used to have warmth in his chest when he saw Ian Gallagher. Now, seeing the redhead on the roof, his face bruised and scarred, is just a cold reminder. It replays in Mickey's head so much that he's started repeating it to himself, like a mantra  
  
_I fucked that whore, I fucked that whore, I fucked that whore ___  
  
because he needs to believe that he can just leave Ian, forget the thing they had. Mickey needs to stop being a fag.  
  
Ian leaves the roof and Mickey tells himself that he doesn’t care.  
  
***  
Mickey knows it now, looking at Ian laying in the gravel after Mickey put him there. He knows what this whole thing has been building to, what that warmth meant. Ian knows it too, was demanding that he say it. But it's too late now, Mickey is set to be married. Mickey has a kid on the way. He can't go around getting fucked in the ass anymore. He can't give Ian what he wants. Can't tell the redhead the truth right before he starts his lie of a life.  
  
Mickey thinks he can feel his heart tearing in two as he walks away.  
  
_The moment you know you know it, and can't keep it in any longer_  
  
Mickey didn’t sleep that first night. He laid between Svetlana and the door and didn’t want to think about why. Mickey could still feel Ian's lips and hands on him. Burning through his white shirt and trailing over his neck. His skin was on fire under Ian's touch, but his insides were frozen, Ian's heartbroken expression stuck in his mind.  
  
Mickey had been out smoking in the fresh night air when Lip stumbled out of the building, dragging a crying Ian behind him. Mickey had seen Ian cry before, he'd even made the redhead cry. But this was different. Ian was drunk and unguarded, unaware of his lover's eyes on him. Ian was leaning heavily into his brother, too depressed to even hold himself up.  
  
"He got married," Ian sobbed loudly. "He got married Lip. I love him and he doesn’t care."  
  
It hurt Mickey to see Ian like this, to hear those words. But this sobbing Ian was better than a bleeding Ian. Terry would have killed him. He would have shot him and let him bleed out, forcing Mickey to watch.  
  
Mickey rolled over in bed, eyes squeezing shut. Too many horrible images were dancing behind his eyelids. He never fell asleep.  
  
Mickey was elated to see the redhead a few days later. Mickey could be married and still be with Ian, they could sneak around until Terry went back to prison. He led the Gallagher into his room under some bullshit guise of showing off how it had been cleaned and rearranged.  
  
But then Ian had to go and drop the bomb.  
  
"Four years, minimum." Mickey's first reaction was fear, but the familiar anger replaced it quickly.  
  
"What are you hoping, that I tell you not to go? I'm gonna chase after you like some bitch?" Mickey asked but his voice was already wavering.  
  
"I didn’t come here for you," Ian said and he's turning away from Mickey. Mickey's throat closed up. Ian was leaving him. He was finally realizing his mistake and moving on, trading up. But Mickey couldn’t let him go without telling him the truth.  
  
"Don't" he choked out around the lump in his throat. He could do this dammit, it was _Ian _. Ian, who already loves him and trusts him. Who wants to spend time with Mickey and kiss him, even when the brunette pretends that he doesn't like it.__  
  
"Don’t what?" Ian asked from the door. Mickey swallowed and took a deep breath.  
  
"Don't go. I love you."


End file.
